Mirror Mirror On The Wall

I hate my body.

I have always hated my body.

Maybe it’s because when I was in Primary school I heard echoes of “Debbie, Debbie, 2×4, can’t fit through the bathroom door” while in class and on the playground.

Or…

Maybe it’s because I tipped the scales at over 200 pounds when I was in Grade 8.

Or…

Maybe it’s the fact that the genetics gods thought it would be an excellent idea to make my skin resemble that of an orange peel (or, more accurately, like the skin of an over ripe passionfruit)

But…

I am loved, regardless of the size of my clothes, by so many amazing people.  I am also incredibly blessed to have someone in my life who looks me in the eyes and tells me I’m beautiful even when I am at my most vulnerable…

Yet…

I still cannot find peace in my body.

And…

I know it’s ridiculous…I have run four half marathons, completed multiple triathlons, I can kick ass in any spinning class, can flip tires, do jump squats (although begrudgingly) and sling huge, heavy ropes…yet, instead of seeing the strength I carry, all I see is soft and all I feel is doughy.

However…

I know I’m not alone.  I have stunningly beautiful friends who all struggle with body image…who complain, find fault and allow their unhappiness with certain aspects of their body to control their emotions…

Which leads me to ask…why is it so hard to think about all the positives of our bodies?  They carry us, grow babies, give nourishment and hold and give warmth to those we love.  Why is it so hard to switch the negative thoughts we hear in our heads to encouraging, positive thoughts?

Well, I’m going to try.

Little by little, starting in the month of June, for every negative thought that creeps into my head I’m going to silence it with two positive thoughts, said out loud..from me, to me…all while looking myself in the eyes.

If you’re like me and the first word that creeps into your mind when you look at yourself in the mirror is “disgusting” I challenge you to join me on a journey to positive thought and love.

~ Giving you strength and love ~

You Only Think Of The Best Comeback When You Leave

Firstly, let’s just address the fact that I attempted to get into the blogging world just over a year ago and have been quite lame at keeping up with it.

Really.  QUITE lame.

I think it all boils down to the fact that I really don’t think my life is overly exciting and that people don’t really care to read about a secretly lazy, (almost) middle aged, pudgy, single woman who has a love for PJs and movies on the weekends.  But….after searching for some inspiration I have found some truly great blogs which have motivated me to get cracking again…(namely:  www.jackstrawlane.com, sprinkleofglitter.blogspot.ca, and www.zoella.co.uk)

 I originally started this blog as a way for friends and family to follow my adventures in Australia but what I am hoping it will turn into now is a place to share my life, thoughts and maybe some sneaky shopping trips.

Alright then…on to this post.

It’s about love.  Self love to be exact (…get your minds out of the gutter…)

It’s February….Valentines Day.

 A day this singleton really doesn’t mind…because, well, I love love.  And yes, you shouldn’t need a designated day to remind you to love, or guilt you into doing things/buying things for those you love…but I love that it is a day all about love. Love, love, love. (barf)

Now there are a bunch of different forms of love; love for family, for friends and being in love with a partner…I have been blessed with a history rich in all those forms of love….but one area that I still struggle with (I’m talking 30+ years of struggling) is being comfortable with my body and loving my physical self.

I honestly can’t remember when I haven’t obsessed about my body.  Obviously as a toddler I wasn’t worried about my bongo belly when I would be put in a bathing suit and I never worried about the size of my thighs. I would play on the beach and interact with other kids who never judged.  They also didn’t care or know anything about body image.

It was around grade 6 (age 10/11) when I started to become aware of the fact that I was a bigger girl.  Kids started to get meaner and more judgmental about my size.  The friends I had in elementary school were now growing tall and skinny and I was staying short and growing outwards instead of upwards.  I started to really struggle with and hate my body.  And it has never stopped.

Until today.

On this day of roses, fancy dinners and chocolates to pledge your love, I am making a different kind of “love pledge”.  I’m going to stop, once and for all, obsessing about my weight and my size.  When the negative thoughts start creeping in I am going to focus on what my body has done for me (4 completed half marathons along with a handful of triathlons for a start), not about the size of my pants or the cellulite on my legs.

It doesn’t mean that I am “giving up” but I’m shifting my focus.  Instead of running/spinning/working out to burn X amount of calories, I’m going to do those things because I truly love to do them.  I’m going to eat butter (is it REALLY butter?!!) soaked movie popcorn with friends, who love me unconditionally, and not secretly hate myself afterwards.

  I’m going to look at my naked self in the mirror and smile because I know I’m strong and that my beauty isn’t dictated by the size of my ass but rather the size of my heart.  And I love my heart…it’s time to love my ass!

Hugs and Love