Howdy Do Blogger Friends
There is absolutely no doubt I love my dog. As strange as it sounds he is probably the only living being that truly knows me best. I mean, he has seen me naked, has walked in on me countless times whilst on the toilet, been by my side through many tears AND laughter and is, in my biased opinion, the best listener in the world.
But…he is gross.
Don’t let his cute, senior citizen facade fool you…watch him for more than a day and you will enter a world that you wish you hadn’t.
Top 5 Reasons Why My Dog is The Grossest Dog in the Neighbourhood
1. He kills, then EATS, bunnies. I have yet to be an eye witness to this travesty but my mom had to deal with a vicious bunny attack once…and my Uncle once mowed over a half eaten rabbit’s leg in our backyard. Karma is a bitch though….the lawn mower bunny infected him with tapeworms….Blackjack, not my uncle.
2. He enjoys younger females. He is the epitome of a dirty old man. We welcomed Chloe a spry, young, beautiful retriever into our home and how did Blackjack welcome her? Well with about two weeks of constant humping. She being under 5 and him being over 13, well…you do the doggy year math. Just wrong. (yes I know it was just his way of trying to show dominance but seriously…poor girl)
3. Although he is neutered if he had hands he would NOT be the master of his domain. How many times I have to tell him to ‘stop licking’…gross.
4. He’s a mouth breather. And he’s well into his 14th year (maybe even 15th…) and if you have ever smelled a senior dog’s breath (especially after you read fact 5)…PEW. And he insists on breathing really really close to your face, especially during dinner….and dirty old dog breath does not mix well with yummy dinner smell. Ever.
5. All of the above are gross but…I can deal. This fact, however, just makes me a little ashamed that he is my dog. Ok, a lot ashamed. There is no polite way around it but just to say it. My dog eats his own shit. I saved this one till the end because if I had started with it I’m sure I would have lost you. It is so gross that I can’t even deal. I yell like a mad women at him as he does it….and it’s only ever during the winter (he must like the crunch) so I can’t very well run out at him to get him to stop (frozen snowy ground and all). I’m sure he hears me…most of the time he ignores my disgusted pleas, but sometimes he looks up as if to say “what?”…..then keeps on munching…while looking at me. And if it snows and the poopsicles get buried? Not to worry….he’ll dig them out. Oh, and he also likes to lick other dogs left over pee during walks.
So, that is Blackjack. I try not to let his grossness define him. He really is one of the sweetest dogs you will ever meet. He is goofy, friendly and extremely loyal…all the things great dogs should be…just don’t let him kiss your face.
Hugs and Love
Photo courtesy of Happy Tails Pet Photography….Stacey is amaze-balls….check her out!!